


Thirty Years of Silence

by blood-and-cigars (ardellaine)



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Post Timeskip, UST, alucard is back after thirty years and t r a u m a t i z e d after not existing for so long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 07:46:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19146619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ardellaine/pseuds/blood-and-cigars
Summary: Integra reveals a rare moment of vulnerability to Alucard, however freshly returned from his thirty year absence, he isn't at all equipped to respond. The distance of decades stand between who they once were, and who they are now. In some ways, that is insurmountable.





	Thirty Years of Silence

In the first days after his return, Alucard slept. Days and days passed by, he’d wake for an hour then return to his coffin though the closed confines of it simultaneously made his skin itch.  
He had forgotten how to reign in his power, how to do most things if he were being honest. He sensed Integra moving around in her office, and instead of simply watching her from afar, he found himself manifesting there. It was an unconscious thing.

She jumped at his appearance. She looked at him oddly, with confusion. He supposed he was a strange sight now, after so many years.

“Finally woke up, did you?” Her attention shifted back to her paperwork, pen moving along the page neatly. “We thought you’d disappeared again.”

“Integra,” he said, voice rasping with disuse. That first night, he hadn’t had a chance to really look at her, to drink in her features, the fact that finally she was there before him and it was not hallucination or imagination or longing dreams.

Her gaze flickered back up to him for a moment uncertainly, before going back to her work when it was clear he had nothing more to say. There was regal beauty to her now, elegance, tested, tried and true.“It’s going to be a late night. I’m authorizing an assignment to Yorkshire right now. A string of disappearances have only just now been connected to vampire activity by the local authorities and turned over to us— despite some very obvious signs.” She laughed bitterly. “Some things never change.”

He was silent. Thirty years of silence, and blood, and slaughter, he wasn’t sure he remembered how to hold a conversation anymore.

“Seras will have to go. I’m not sending you out anytime soon by the way, I have to secure clearance for you, then you’ll need to be trained for the field again, have an eval, etc all the same nonsense from when I released you from the cell… God was it really forty years ago? It seems like ages, but forty years?” She shook her head.

“I disobeyed your orders,” he said without meaning to. The words spoke themselves.

“What?” She paused, and Alucard realized she was trying to remember. She took a deep breath, running her fingers through her hair. “Oh. Well, that’s done now. No use crying over it.” Integra shook her head and set aside her pen and paperwork. She stood slowly, stiffly, one hand at her back. It was very late, she must’ve been at her desk all day. “I’m getting too old for this,” she said, gesturing vaguely at the office.

“If that’s the case, I must be too old for anything.”

She shrugged. “We were waiting for you, you know. At first we weren’t sure you really left.”

 _But did I leave?_ He wanted to say, though that was a silly answer. He’d been gone from them, that’s all that mattered.

“We grew accustomed to it eventually though. Everyone else died, everything else was gone, why not you too?” She smiled again, there was no humor to it. “Not so talkative anymore, I see. You used to run your mouth all hours of the day, I’m not sure I prefer this. It’ll take some getting used to.”

He approached her, slowly, carefully. It was odd to think that she was there, and he was there, and neither of them would disappear. “What would you like me to say?”

“Nothing, if you don’t have anything to tell me. You have been silent for three decades.” Her tone was pleasant, but her words stung all the same. He could see the hurt in her eyes.

“My Master.” He touched a gloved hand to her face, and at least she didn’t turn away immediately. “I don’t have the words for an adequate apology. I’d prostrate myself at your feet, but that’s a petty plea for forgiveness. I have nothing to offer in exchange, no way to make amends.”

“Did you know, I fancied myself in love with you once. Girlish silliness.” She forced out a laugh, it was a choked sound. He thought he saw her mouth tremble, but it could’ve just as easily been a trick of the eyes. She’d told him this, because she wanted a response. She clearly was hoping for… something. 

He didn’t know what to say, what to do. He searched her face for a hint. Did she mean him to laugh along? To express similar interest? It’d be so simple to lean in and brush his lips against hers. Perhaps she’d slap him away, perhaps she’d draw him closer.

However, his bloody, forsaken murderous mouth anywhere near her flesh was nothing short of desecration. That first night when he returned, he’d been starving, half mad and convinced none of it was real. He’d never have put his teeth to her throat otherwise, he still shuddered at the thought.

But then… he’d been lost in thought for far too long. He focused back on Integra’s eyes, now gone icy.

“Ridiculous, I know,” she whispered, and moved past him to the door. He couldn’t help but think he’d failed her again

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a tumblr request. It's technically standalone, but I intend to add more. I see a lot of fics that have Alucard return after the timeskip and easily pick up from right where they left off, and frankly that's not my own interpretation. I wanted to explore the rocky patches, and how they come to reconcile the time lost, and how they're practically strangers to each other now.


End file.
